


johnkatdavejakedirk

by WindXLicus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, this is joke fic dont take this srsly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-26
Updated: 2013-06-26
Packaged: 2017-12-16 05:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/858285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindXLicus/pseuds/WindXLicus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>everywun want john</p><p>imsorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	johnkatdavejakedirk

jehn is a smell boy

karaky went jehn

but jehn not humoseksual

karakt es frureted 

he screzams

\----------

letar kerkt founs jhon hengin weth devq he so jeelus

karak pulz jhun awey frum streder and yailz et hem 

"WHEY U HENG OUT WIEH DET PRECK!!!!?????" jehn es skered nd h strugls 2 gey ou of karakts grip bu feails

"kerket i!!!" jhn wes cet of be devq end puld awey frim kriit

davu spok "sry kerket he min" den h le go jon nd slep kerkt

joh wa shock! "dV wai wul u do dat"

dev lokd at juhn ned spok "joh i sev u love me bab"

joh wa atsoundet! bu den dirc cem alon nd snetchf johu away!!!!

joh gaspd nd karkt dave loked bec et dirk bu dierk wes gun ned su wes john

kwarkt an dev stopid feghtin nd loked 4 dirk 

"ey fkras joh min ok"

dev spuk nd sed "taht wet se sead"

letrza------------

"deik ! le mu gi!!" johu wes teid up n dik besmint omg!

"no ur mn joh ." dirk sed 

"i dun wrna b urs!!" he scremd

drik slepd joh and john yelpd 

john loked bak ey dri sckred 

drik covrd joh mout widh a reg 

joh thrased with mufld screms fo hlap 

dirk sed "thatl shu u up u lil ho"

joh craied :(!!!!!!!

\-----------latar-----

"i think i no wher thy r" dave sed

"where fkras" 

dav motined karat two folaw 

karakt did

tdey wen in dv hoseu

thn wen 2 basemount nd foun dir kessin joh forcfuly

johu wes crey

devq push dik of joh nd remov th clothu 

karak sterd thinkn 'i culidn potct juhn' 

dir hit he head no shulv ns pesed ou 

joh fell aslip in dev arm 

dev notic how cut joh was nd leand down 2 kess him 

karkt snapde ou of he though an sed "wat r u dun fces?????"

dev stopd nd dighe "wo cokblok"

dev cerid joh up sters crfuly bout stars cuz ge wrned himsel bou dem

he ley joh on couch nd wetch joh

karakt go jelous and opushe dev awy fro joh

"he min fku!" kerkt grolwe

dav lufhed "heha wo shawty on de lose"

kerkt glencd "fak u dev" he sed

dev go by ksrakt 

"wha-" kearkt wes cut of

dev was rubbin da trols hornz 

karakt purred nd got sleepi "you fuk-" karak was faet sleep

\----danextday---

 

joh was fresr t wek up he glenc pvr he sa kearkt nd dev his best budis joh sigh, he is gona orget bout yestrdey.

joh thot abut gow kute karekt wes md dev

he kisd bo sem on chek nd smild warmli 

jek open door 2 da stroodls house nd loked aroun seing joh sitin by dav n krkeat 

jake sed "hey jihn how u??!" he smild widly 

joh wes stertled nd he obviously hadnt noticed the door openin

joh sighed nd sed "jesu jek u skered ne" he laugh

jek laugh "sey bout that, say have u seen dik?"

joh went wide eye and shviered hearin the older stroodl nam

jek satre "um joh u ok"

joh laugh a nervius lough "aha ye im um ok "

jek sigh "r u ok rly jh"

joh didnt wan to tel jake bou last nite he wa to flutered 2 anser 

jake sed "joh u ok u look flabergrsterd nd red r u sek?" jaje walk clos to joh

joh sed "im fin jek rly im fin"

jek sighed and his eye went derk "don lie to me joh r u ok?" rechin in2o hi poicket jek puld out gun

joh loked wide eye his eye seemingly widr he gasp "j-jak.." he swaloed "pu de gun awey"

jak rold he eye "tell me the truth i dont like when people lie to me john" he spoke

joh tot for momen he breathered shaky breths 'im fest on my feet and da bathroom is right over der mayb i could run without gettin shot but dav nd karkat r her' he frown 

"jak i don rly wanna t-tell u..." his eye getin wet 

jake glared daggers at john and sed "john u tell me or i will shot u in yo kneecap"

john gasped 

dave hearin commotion started 2 groan "ey wat da fuq is goin on her"

karakt started to wake up too "ughhh" 

john loked ovr 2 karakt nd dave 

jake flashstepped ((he lerned from trainin with dirk)) nd grabbd joh pulin him to da other room nd loked da door

dav was alaramed when he herd da lok nd check to ee if john was here, he heard that annoying british-supposed-to-be guy too

john was not here dave gasp nd karkat loked back to dave "what wrong where john dave?"

\-----------------bak2johnandjake----------------

jake threw john on bed nd tied him up, ((he had sum ropes in his poket)) 

john wa surprised "jak water you doing let me go " he sed!

jake sed "not until u tell m what wrong, and if dont, so help me, i will shot you"

john squirmed in the ropes "gosh! fine" he hesitated before talking again

john finally replied to what seemed like hours to jake, "dirk mouthraped me" he sed, blushing furiously.

jake was flabbergasted, he stumbled towards john, threw his gun on the floor and untied him hugging him tightly.

john hadnt realized he was craing, jake took noticed of that in wiped his tears.

jake sed "btw i was jk lol the gun wuz fake"

john stared at him then sed "wow u dik om g i cant believe u wow." 

jake let go of john, and john had started hitting him on the chest.

jake noticed how weak john was and laughed then stopped realizing dirk had kissed john over his own will, he was going 2 beat de shet outta of stroodl.

jake sed "where is dirk?"

john stopped and sigh "he in basement, dave lock him up.."

jake went over to unlock the door and dave and karakt tackled jake pucnhing and kikin at the so called gentleman

john screamed "stop!!"'

karat and dev stopd lokin at jon "but john he took u from me" dave and karat saed togthr

john looked at them and spoked "but-" he cut himself off, he had nothing 2 say back

jake pushed the troll and the human boy off of him, gosh was he sore he was gonna need an asprin after dis.

jake jigged it off ((lol jigg)) 

jake sed "bye im off to kik stroodls ass for hurtin my john"

karat and dave, who were toppled on each other loked at jake "your john?" they said together

john said to all of them "im no ones!!" john squeaked out.

the two boys and one troll noticed how cute john was, even if he was irritably annoying.

\-------- time skep ----------

After beating up Dirk((jaek did et lzol dav was to pussy and john was too cute and karat is all bark no bite so yh))

Everyone ahd sandwiches and snacks, John made them cause hes like a girl, after eating and stuff Dave and John played Mario Kart cause why not and its fun as heck.

Jake, Dirk and Karkat watched John, they all wanted him but since hes not a so called "homosexual" they couldn't have him, it will be a burden not knowing John will never love them back.

Dave said "Haha suck it Egbert"

John replied "Dave you're cheating! No fair gosh!" he whined, John was forgetting all about yesterday.

Dave spoke "Oh hell no,you did not just throw a shell at me" he tackled John, tickling the raven haired boy.

John dropped his controller, gasping and laughing "Dave sto-" he couldn't finish his sentance because of his giggling.

Karkat, Dirk and Jake watched in jealousy as the blond haired boy tickled the raven haired boy.

After what seem like hours to John, Dave stop tickling him, John sighed in relief afterwards he spoke "Dude that was so uncalled for." seeing as they already lost game, they shut it, smiling and staring at each other.

After staring for a while Dave went in for a kiss, successively stealing Egberts lips, gosh they were so soft.

John, surprised, but still kissed back, finally breaking out of the "no homo" stage.

**Author's Note:**

> im sry so sry lol this is so crack. pls dont hurt me 
> 
> i wanted my on ao3 or w/e account but i was put on the waiting list so im just using my sisters acc
> 
> karaktluvr outtie.


End file.
